It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
