His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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