I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need a burrito and a hug.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
