I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
