I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
