i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
