If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
