Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
