Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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