He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
