Little spoons don't ask big questions
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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