it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize