You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
