do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
