It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
