you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
