do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
