I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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