Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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