you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
