"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
