My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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