well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
