I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
