My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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