I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
