I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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