Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
