my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
