In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
