Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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