I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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