I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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