Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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