the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
