youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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