My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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