Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
