dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Come on in and take your pants off
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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