I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
