oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
