just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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