seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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