So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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