eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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