Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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