looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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