Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
