Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.