omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.