Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.