Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

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  (832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me
  Replies (16) Good night (3263) Bad night (810)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...

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  (630): you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling... http://tfl.nu/h6kn
  Replies (38) Good night (1095) Bad night (3938)
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  (518): View more from New York

  As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

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  (518): As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon. http://tfl.nu/t4x8
  Replies (14) Good night (5204) Bad night (1666)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.

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  (724): I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina. http://tfl.nu/8v08
  Replies (16) Good night (5612) Bad night (1691)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

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  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (7575) Bad night (1392)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it

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  (717): And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it http://tfl.nu/tlm9
  Replies (2) Good night (1565) Bad night (1154)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.

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  (484): you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out. http://tfl.nu/twgf
  Replies (3) Good night (2030) Bad night (800)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?

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  (513): Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ? http://tfl.nu/6gn7
  Replies (15) Good night (623) Bad night (1729)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"

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  (402): He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by" http://tfl.nu/24bz
  Replies (14) Good night (564) Bad night (2276)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.

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  (907): Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy. http://tfl.nu/fd5d
  Replies (2) Good night (1467) Bad night (549)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.

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  (810): My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore. http://tfl.nu/n09d
  Replies (2) Good night (469) Bad night (412)
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  (805): View more from California

  I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency

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  (805): I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency http://tfl.nu/hlej
  Replies (5) Good night (542) Bad night (537)
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  (718): View more from New York

  If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him

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  (718): If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him http://tfl.nu/qoc5
  Replies (6) Good night (368) Bad night (217)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are

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  (717): strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are http://tfl.nu/muz3
  Replies (1) Good night (276) Bad night (389)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....

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  (410): We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet.... http://tfl.nu/etdv
  Replies (1) Good night (280) Bad night (150)

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