NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now