i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??