Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife

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  (812): If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife http://tfl.nu/4wdu
  Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (904)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed

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  (540): Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed http://tfl.nu/7wu4
  Replies (30) Good night (748) Bad night (3955)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind

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  (201): i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind http://tfl.nu/v27a
  Replies (7) Good night (3329) Bad night (1525)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking

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  (512): I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking http://tfl.nu/def8
  Replies (14) Good night (992) Bad night (3743)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat

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  (865): i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat http://tfl.nu/yw7h
  Replies (14) Good night (1197) Bad night (4921)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.

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  (780): there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute. http://tfl.nu/rxgr
  Replies (13) Good night (4085) Bad night (1264)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.

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  (303): I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet. http://tfl.nu/l0f7
  Replies (14) Good night (934) Bad night (3765)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke

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  (201): there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke http://tfl.nu/pyjl
  Replies (15) Good night (3187) Bad night (1230)
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  (408): View more from California

  You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.

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  (408): You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed. http://tfl.nu/u516
  Replies (7) Good night (1144) Bad night (2197)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.

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  (816): no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help. http://tfl.nu/7acp
  Replies (7) Good night (2450) Bad night (895)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

  (253): View more from Washington

  you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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  (360): Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone. (253): you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker. http://tfl.nu/ov6f
  Replies (3) Good night (2654) Bad night (1125)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!

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  (907): I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?! http://tfl.nu/q90z
  Replies (6) Good night (515) Bad night (676)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.

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  (864): her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality. http://tfl.nu/j8og
  Replies (11) Good night (1933) Bad night (1228)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.

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  (919): All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there. http://tfl.nu/arna
  Replies (1) Good night (645) Bad night (255)
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  (310): View more from California

  you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer

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  (310): you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer http://tfl.nu/3y4u
  Replies (0) Good night (610) Bad night (293)

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