I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
