I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i was born a porn star she said
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
