I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
