wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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