I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
