Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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