dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I supernannyed him into submission
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
