This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
