It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
