1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
