Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
