She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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