i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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