Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
