I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
