well I can't set my house on fire every night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
