when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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